If you are reading this, you probably made the decision for the gift of donation at a very difficult time. Everyday, we at Donor Network of Arizona, see people go through terrible crises losing those they love. And yet, we are privileged to meet people like you who are able to think about others in their time of need. The following is intended to help you with your consideration of whether to write the recipient of your loved one’s donation. For some donor families, writing actually helps them in the grieving and healing process. For others, the thought of any kind of communication is overwhelming and not desired. The decision to write to transplant recipients is a very personal one and there is no right or wrong way to approach it. Donor Network is here simply to facilitate the communication you want, not to direct you as to how or if you should communicate. It is our belief that donor families and recipients do have the right to receive appropriate information about each other and to engage in mutually acceptable forms of communication, as they desire. And although you are reading this now, there is no timeline for your decision. You certainly will need some time and space before feeling comfortable in making any decisions about writing.

Some of you are reading this because you have already received some correspondence from the recipient and are wondering whether you want to respond. Some who are reading this may be perplexed and hurt as to why they haven’t already received some acknowledgment of gratitude from the recipient. In regard to this, please realize that the recipient may still be recovering from the transplantation. If it has been a while and you still haven’t heard anything, please understand that just as it is difficult for some donor families to write, so it is for some recipients. They may feel unable to write, afraid of intruding in a family’s grief and sorrow, maybe uncertain of what to say. This does not mean they are less thankful. Recipients who choose not to write have expressed to us at Donor Network that they do live in deep gratitude remembering each day the generosity of their donor families. But just because the recipient has not written you does it mean you cannot begin the communication. Whether you are choosing to initiate correspondence or respond to something you received, here are some guidelines that may be helpful.

Correspondences are confidential and anonymous. This means that any card or letter you wish to send will come through us at Donor Network of Arizona. We then send it on to the recipient. The same is true for any return correspondence from the recipient. We receive it and send it on to you. The only way you or the recipient could come to know one another’s identity is if you mutually agree to do so and both of you sign a written consent form. Typically, Donor Network will serve as the intermediary in your communication. Here are points of reference for respecting confidentiality and anonymity.

• When you write, use only your first name
• Don’t include your address, city or phone number
• Don’t reveal the name or location of the hospital or your physician

Here are some suggestions of what you may want to include in your correspondence.

• Your loved one’s first name
• Their job or occupation
• Their hobbies or interests
• The state in which you live (not the city)
• Your family situation such as marital status, children, grandchildren

As mentioned, when you send a card or letter to your recipient, you will be sending it through us at Donor Network of Arizona. Since the Family Services Coordinator needs to review the correspondence to ensure confidentiality and anonymity, please place your card or letter in an unsealed envelope. And on a separate piece of paper include your full name, your loved one’s full name, and the date of donation.

After your correspondence is reviewed, it will then be sent on to the recipient. They will receive it in a sealed envelope. They will also receive a letter from Donor Network telling them what this communication is about. They may choose to open your correspondence or choose not to. If your card or letter is returned to us unopened, we will communicate that to you. If you do not receive any return correspondence from the recipient, please remember that they themselves may be overwhelmed with emotion and may be having difficulty expressing their gratitude in words. Others may take several months or even years before feeling comfortable writing to their donor family.

If you need further information about writing to recipients, please call the Coordinator for Family Services at Donor Network of Arizona, 1-800-447-9477. Again, we at Donor Network do thank you for your compassion and generosity.